The Trio's Night Out
by R-Alex-J
Summary: Set during Bargaining (Season 6, Episodes 1 & 2), new self-proclaimed supervillains Jonathan, Warren, and Andrew go shopping to prepare for new 'evil' schemes. It goes wrong and they soon find themselves in a life or death situation.


Everywhere, there was fire. Cars aflame, bins smouldering, and worse. Trash filled the street. Amongst all of this stood a dented and scratched van. In front of it, one of the shortest human residents of Sunnydale put his hands in his pockets and sighed. He and his friends couldn't even go out to the comic book store and the supermarket without something going wrong. Granted, things had gone wrong for the whole town, but still.

Jonathan thought about what had happened only twenty minutes earlier. "We'd agreed to take over the town. Then we decided to get more food and find a present for Andrew's brother in prison. Now the streets are infested with demons."

"Are you done moping yet?" Warren demanded from inside. "We can't take on these bikers standing around doing nothing. Jonathan, get what we came for."

* * *

20 minutes earlier.  
"I love this van," Andrew said as he saw what Warren's robot design had bought them. "We should repaint it. I don't like green."

Warren glanced up and down at the vehicle. "We will. I'm thinking black for a bad-ass surveillance van."

"Man, I would love to get stealth paint. If only we could get a cloak, a Romulan one."

"No," Jonathan said as he came out of Warren's basement. "An Aldean one from TNG Season One. They could hide a whole planet."

Warren rolled his eyes. "Yes, whatever you nerds want. Now, my mother wants me to get some milk and apples. Let's go."

"That's it?" Andrew demanded. "Dude, we're super-villains!"

Warren gave a short lecture about how every army needs supplies and how Sun Tzu & Napoleon emphasised the need to keep everyone fed. "Besides, what could go wrong?"

* * *

Somewhere in the desert, 6 hours earlier.  
"Let's ride," called Razor, the huge leader of the Hellion demon biker gang.

Both renegade humans and Razor's fellow Kalogic Demons cheered and headed for their motorcycles. As the gang rode off, Razor imagined that heavy metal music was pumping through his head. He couldn't go after the place when the Master or the Mayor was in charge, nor with Angelus, Spike & Dru, nor when those government commandos were there. Everything unholy help anyone who tried to invade Sunnydale when Glorificus was there. Even that horse rider gang. But now there was no Slayer and no Big Bad. Perfect.

* * *

Back in Sunnydale.  
"Coming to Maple Court! Super-villains, we're coming to the comic book store!"

Warren grinned as he closed his mouth. The Trio's first mission would...

REEEEEE!

"What was that?" Jonathan asked, sat next to Warren. "Warren!"

Andrew, who had been looking over the Trio's equipment at the back, came to the front. "Kalogic Demons. Crap, these are the Hellions!"

"Hellions?" Warren asked. "Who are..."

"Like Mongols but on bikes. Dude, we have to get out of here."

Around them, demonic bikers rounded on cars and reduced expensive windows and doors to smashed and burnt wrecks in seconds. Firebombs flew everywhere. Sunnydale residents and visitors ran and hid as bikers attacked or grabbed at anyone they could get hold of.

"Warren! We're not the Justice League or the Crime Syndicate of America. Back off!"

Warren spun the wheel and drove away. "I'm getting my binoculars. Short round, take the wheel."

"I'm not short," Jonathan muttered as he changed seats. "Everyone saying that was why I nearly shot myself."

"We still don't believe that," Andrew said. "A sniper rifle?"

"Sniper rifle?" Warren asked.

"It was to attract attention, not to kill people," Jonathan said.

"That gives me an idea. Johnny-boy, let's go to your house."

* * *

Back to where we started.  
Jonathan dashed into his house, glad to see that the Hellions hadn't got to it yet. They'd gone from one end of the road to the other trashing everything before starting on the houses away from the Levinson house. Wisely, his family had kept the rifle locked away after the incident at the high school. Locked away to normal people that is, not someone with Warren's safe cracker device. "Thank you, Games Workshop, for the melta bomb idea."

The safe melted instantly. Jonathan grabbed the sniper rifle components and a full magazine. He heard whispers and realised that his family thought he was one of the Hellions. "Better they don't know I have this." He ran back to the van and got into the back. "Now what? Are we going to drive around and shoot the bikers?"

Warren opened his mouth but nothing came out. Blue lights flashed up the whole street and sirens echoed all around them. Eventually, he said, "The police. They can handle things around here. We are going to save Sunnydale."

Andrew nodded and then frowned. "Isn't that what the Scoobies do? Scooby-Doo, huh. Who's the dog?"

"Buffy is," Warren replied. "Scooby-Doo leads Mystery Incorporated, Buffy leads the Scoobies."

"I thought Fred led Mystery In..." Andrew began. "Scratch that. The bikers are coming this way!"

"Time to win hearts and minds. This is our city, not theirs. Jonathan, get onto the roof, take aim and fire when ready."

"Getting onto the roof," Jonathan muttered. "Help me up then!"

"You sure about killing people?"

"I fought at Graduation Day. I kill demons in D&D. This isn't any different. Besides, do you want Warren with a gun? If he had one, he'd hit the wrong person with a shot that violates the laws of physics."

The bikers were barely twenty metres away. The Trio had already used up their time getting Jonathan onto the roof. How fast could a bolt-action rifle go? How fast could Jonathan shoot? Could he handle the fire and the smoke? Could bullets take out Kalogic demons?

BANG! BANG!

Leather clad brutes flew off their bikes as lumps of heavy metal buried themselves in their chests. Their bikes zoomed ahead and toppled with a crash.

"Well done, short round," Warren said. "Right, we better get the lasso, the lightsabres, and the bat'leths."

"Maybe Jonathan should stay up there," Andrew said. "In case we get chased like Superman chased..."

"Good idea. Make it so."

"Guys," Jonathan began.

VROOOOOOOOOOOM!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Warren looked through the binoculars and saw a fire in the cinema parking lot. "Andrew, I can see somebody lying near that fire. Full speed." He pointed his finger and waved it forwards. "Engage."

"FOR [ _indecipherable_ ] SAKE! I'M ON THE [ _indecipherable_ ] ROOF! I CAN BARELY HOLD ONTO THE GUN!"

Warren and Andrew ignored Jonathan and continued on. Nearby, the police took a pair of human Hellions into a police van. The dead bodies of various demons, Kalogic and Homja-maleev, littered the ground. All the police were armed to the teeth and dressed for a riot. They weren't wrong.

"Slow down," Andrew said.

"You have the brakes, moron. You slow down."

The van came to a halt. "Mate, are you alright on the roof?"

"I am! Ow... What?"

"Kill the two human Hellions."

"Kill humans?"

"The Hellions cannot leave. If even one leaves they can reform. We must kill them all."

While Jonathan took aim and shot the bikers between the police van's doors, Andrew told Warren why all the Hellions had to die. "These people have been around for years. I say people but man they're not. Razor, the boss, became leader after the last boss died in a raid in Arizona, but was able to rebuild quickly by recruiting more demons. If there are no more Hellions, no more demons will join."

"Are there any Kalogic chicks?" Warren asked suddenly.

"Er, well, not exactly. Kalogic demons are like one of those weird fish species. They are born female and become male as they grow up. That's why they like ripping children apart with their anatomical incompatibilities."

"That is not cool. Now, let's see who's by the fire."

"Warren, the police are now coming for us!"

"Jonathan! Get inside!"

As Jonathan returned to the nice, safe, and stable inside on the van, Warren looked through the binoculars and upped the magnification. "Whoa! That's a robot! Buffy's a robot! My robot!"

"What-What do you mean?" Jonathan asked as Andrew pressed the accelerator.

"That punk vampire, Spike, he asked me to build a robot Buffy. That's my robot. These bikers ripped up one of my robots! Gentlemen, these people will die horribly. Just like Kor, Kang, and Koloth, we will hunt down that guy, Razor, and eat his heart while he watches."

Warren put the binoculars down and picked up another gadget. He fiddled about and the thing buzzed. "Listen."

Andrew nodded slowly as he navigated the burning streets. "The police have the Hellions contained. That's good. The fire service is fixing most of the damage and burying axes in any demon biker that comes close. The hospitals are overflowing. The police are getting reinforcements from LA and San Diego? How many of these biker dudes are there? Oh, and they want the army base to send a few men and tanks? A biker with bleached hair has been seen with a teenage girl in a helmet?"

"Coming up to your house. Get your lasso and lightsabre."

Andrew got out and then came out again with the tools. "My aunt nearly killed me! I told her that I wasn't a Hellion, grabbed my stuff, and ran."

Warren nodded. "I saw some normal people taking on the Hellions and winning." It was true. He saw his ex, Katrina, knock a Hellion out, and some dark haired girl rip into them like a Slayer would have. She couldn't have been a real Slayer though. One was blond and the other was in jail. Maybe a Potential? "We can do this."

Driving around back to Warren's house, Jonathan leaped out of his seat. "There's a biker, right there!"

There was indeed a Hellion biker, but his bike was missing. Did someone steal it?

"Spike," Warren muttered. "He must have stolen this one's bike. Tie him up and get him in the back."

"We have to kill him! Then take his organs. He's a Homja-maleev."

"We will. We'll torture him first. Jonathan, we need a spell on that lasso."

"For what?"

"Princess Diana."

"Isn't she dead? Oh, the other Princess Diana."

* * *

Dragging the semi-conscious demon down into the basement, Warren tied the scaly, huge Homja-maleev to the toughest chair he could find with the toughest rope and duct tape in the house and possibly California. Andrew & Jonathan stood by with lightsabres, freshly sharpened bat'leths, and phasers. Thanks to Warren, the 'phasers' actually worked to a small degree. At the very least, they were deadly directed energy weapons. Jonathan stood ready with the lasso. It was now gold in colour.

"Talk," Warren said. "How many of you are there?"

"15," the demon sneered. "I am Klay-Mont. 15 can destroy this town. We're here to stay."

"They won't stay more than a week," Andrew said. "The longer they stay in one place the more chance the authorities have to take them out."

"Pah! I can take out you nerds myself. I will tell you everything for you will never benefit."

"We'll make sure of that." Andrew wrapped the golden lasso around the demon. "Why are you here?"

"We raid settled idiots. Demonologist fool, you should know!"

"What were you doing before then?"

"We were doing a bit of drug smuggling like a regular gang. We can't raid all the time."

"Just to make sure, how many of you are there?"

"15, deaf fool."

"Any magicians?" Jonathan added to the mix.

"Yes, but I don't know where he is right now. I last saw him heading towards some nightclub."

"The Bronze, hmm."

"That's enough," Warren said. "Andrew, terminate him."

Andrew raised his hands but a coughing fit suddenly took over him. "Excuse me. Now, where..." He began an incantation but then, "COUGH! MAN, WHAT IS WRONG? WAIT, WHAT just happened?"

"There's some glands or something over by the desk," Warren sighed. "Also, you've transformed the demon into some wrinkly guy."

"Where am I?" Klay-Mont demanded. No more was there a reptilian brute with claws and a forked tongue. Instead, someone with loose, wrinkly skin and floppy ears sat tied to the chair. "Hello. My name's Clement. Why am I in your basement?"

"Because you're a killer biker?" Jonathan suggested.

"Nah, I'm over that. I think I'll just play poker and eat kittens if that's fine. Can I go now?"

"Well..."

Clement got up and split the ropes and duct tape while doing so. "I'm a Loose-Skinned Demon. Fascinating. See you."

Warren grabbed Clement's arm. "Wait a minute!"

Serpent-like tentacles burst from the folds of Clement's skin. Fans burst out of his ears.

The Trio backed off and in that moment Clement was gone.

"Anyway," Andrew said, "let's get the rest!"

Raising bat'leths and lightsabres, the Trio cheered. "Klingon Warrior's Anthem," Warren yelled.

The moment they were back in the van, they began. Even while driving past burning cars, they sang,

"Qoy qeylIs puqloD.

Qoy puqbe'pu'.

yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI'

Say'moHchu' may' 'Iw.

maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'.

nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'.

batlh maHeghbej 'ej yo' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv.

pa' reH maSuvtaHqu'.

mamevQo'. maSuvtaH. ma'ov."

* * *

"Most of them seem to be gone," Warren said after cruising around the city for a while.

Three bikers emerged, speeding away out of the city as fast as they could. Jonathan slid out of the window and gave them 3 'phaser' shots to the chest. 2 hit. 1 missed.

"Let's slice him up," Warren said. "What, Andrew? You said we had to kill them all."

"Dude... WAAAGH!"

Andrew rushed out of the van with a bat'leth and charged at the Kalogic. A few swipes later and the demon was decapitated.

"We won!" Warren called. "We beat the bikers!"

"You sure?" Jonathan asked.

"Huh." Warren picked up the eavesdropping radio. "The police say that the town is free of biker gang hooligans. The leader was found in an alleyway while the Scooby Gang was walking away."

Razor was dead. Excellent. "They know about the Scooby Gang?"

"I recognise the descriptions they gave and they mentioned Willow by name. Now then, since there's a Sunnydale to take over after all, shall we get the comics and the groceries my mother asked for? Finally?"

Warren stuck his hand out. Andrew put his on top. Jonathan completed the triskelion. "Gentlemen, the Trio are a proven force. The Trio will rise!"


End file.
